


Magnifying glasses aren't mirrors (and you can't see yourself)

by Frog_that_writes



Category: Dimension 20 (Web Series)
Genre: Character Study, Introspection, Kinda?, big ol spoilers for the latest live ep, i guess, riz's mind is fucked up y'all, seriously don't read if you havent seen wednesday's ep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:19:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22703077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frog_that_writes/pseuds/Frog_that_writes
Summary: Riz's thoughts during the events of the latest episode.Kalina may not be able to physically hurt them, but you should never underestimate the power of manipulation.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44





	Magnifying glasses aren't mirrors (and you can't see yourself)

Fig was one of those people who kept things to herself by disguising herself as someone who was open with her emotions, and then took it a step further by pretending to not be open with her emotions. She was layers upon layers of contradictions stacked on top of each other to form a solid impenetrable wall that was decorated with the image of an open book. There was a lot hiding beneath her surface, and sometimes Riz thought he was the only person to look past the seemingly humorous confessions of obvious affection. But it never seemed like his place to say anything, because, after all, who was he to fault her for keeping secrets?

He had too many secrets that were sprinkled with half truths, lies caked in with a justification that they were necessary. Riz Gukgak did not consider himself a bad person, but on paper, he always privately thought, maybe he was a little too gentle when the magnifying glass was pointed at himself. Afterall, he had begun his first real friendships out of a sense of necessity. These people would help him find Penny, and by extension the other missing girls, and he could use them. It was easy and simple for him to think of these other living creatures as a means to an end. But wasn't his end goal ultimately selfless? Wasn't he doing something because he knew it was the right thing to do? (And wasn't he doing it for a touch of that glory, that fame of being the kid who solved the case when the adults couldn't. The chance to be taken seriously?) Sure, he was mean and aggressive and kinda just pulled a gun on his friend's grandpa like a week ago, but he did everything for a reason, right? There was no such thing as perfection. 

And what was the equation for a bad person, anyway? How maybe planks could you replace on a ship before it's a different vessel and how many well meaning evils could you place on a goblin before he's a bad person? What was the number of mistakes he could make or lives he could end or bullets he could fire before this became his home for eternity? There was an organized chaos here that made no sense, laws and rules without reason beyond there needing to be laws and rules. What were the statistics, on good and bad? Or what that dichotomy inherently too black and white to be supported in a world that operated mostly in shades of red?

  
  


"Is it weird that we're always pulling out a picture of your dad?"

Was it?

At some point it had stopped being  _ just _ a picture of his dad (and Riz knew that point, he recognized the moment the consultant had come in and mentioned off handedly that 'that sure was a funny photo, is that your father there playing a joke with his arm up?' and Riz's mind had immediately been taken over with that tunnel vision it always filled with when he was on a case. He had hardly remembered to grab a dry erase marker instead of the sharpie he had been sitting closest to, only realizing at the last second that he didn't have many photos left of Pok) and had become just a piece of evidence he used for the case. All that mattered was the red circle and whether or not something was inside of it, not the familiar face the scribbles slightly obscured. 

No, he thought to himself in that split second of stuttering. He didn't find it weird. Maybe he should have, maybe it should have felt invasive that after his friends barely even knowing his father had passed he was now basically shoving a picture of him into the face of every stranger they met, but it wasn't terribly odd. It was nice, honestly, seeing him so often. He had just recently fully come to the place where it didn't hurt to look at him anymore. Where the fond memories outweighed the sadness following the fact. Where he didn't notice his mom occasionally staring without focus as she rubbed her bare ring finger, not saying anything. Things were good now, what with the whole final vengeance and all. He didn't mind. 

And then Kalina was whispering in his ear and it was all going to shit and holy fuck; is his dad a bad person? What could he have done in life, his dad who had raised him and instilled in him a love of justice and mystery from the time he could hold his own bottle, that would let him end up here, beaten and tied to a chair and tortured by his own species for eternity? He had been there for years now, shouldn't that be enough for his supposed crimes? It was unthinkable. 

And the rest of the party was there, and when the fuck did that happen? And Fig was sweet and worried but also in the unrelenting arms of a very intense half phoenix and when the actual  _ fuck  _ did that happen? There was mass chaos and Fabian was talking to his father (and didn't cosmic irony just suck ass? Why did it feel like the theme of their party was a daddy issues law of equivalent exchange? Fig finds Gorthalax and maybe Bill isn't a great person. He gets vengeance for his dad and Fabian kills Bill and Gorgug meets his dad. He finds some fucked up shit and Fabian and Bill reconnect in hell, and damn it why couldn't they all just have a single adventure that didn't cause him to want to claw his own eyes out at least once?) and there really wasn't time for the problems of the sad goblin who was already busy repressing and cataloging and combing through the newly discovered lore now that he finally had his Research Buddy back.

It was too much to ask, for a smooth trip to hell, obviously, but wow that could have gone better. It could have gone worse, his mind helpfully reminded him. Right now he was imprisoned in a palimpsest or an actual prison and, hey, maybe this was actually freedom? Why should he have wanted fo be in the dark about his own dad, when he could know the truth instead? He didn't trust Kalina as far as he could throw Gorgug, but maybe she was doing him a favor, something to do with the weird feelings she apparently has towards him. 

Maybe this was going be a good thing.

The Crown of the Nightmare King could wait a little longer. This shouldn't take more than a day.


End file.
